Why NASCAR Isn't a Sport

This weekend, I was flipping channels and stumbled across the biggest display of redneckitude since the last Lynyrd Skynyrd reunion tour. Of course I'm talking about the Aaron's 499 (really NASCAR, you couldn't spare one more mile?). Before witnessing one of the most spectacular crashes I've ever seen, I caught myself lost in thought amongst the endless circling. My thoughts were mostly revolving around one deep question; what am I watching? After much contemplation, I believe I have discovered the essence of NASCAR. NASCAR is a glorified footrace.


Take away the pit crews, loud exhausts, and corporate sponsorships, and what is left are people travelling in circles to see who will finish first. The real oddity of the "sport" however, is that through endless rules and restrictions, the cars on the track are so similar, they differ only in color scheme. Literally, every car is forced by NASCAR rules to perform exactly the same. To expand on the track and field motif, NASCAR is comparable to watching 40 Steve Prefontaine's duke it out for 4 punishingly identical hours. Except there are no athletes... only "drivers". Guess what? I'm a "driver" too. I got my driver's liscense when I was 16 and I've been driving ever since.

So it begs the question: why do our redneck friends from the south live and breathe NASCAR? After additional contemplation, I believe the answer is a simple one. As previously stated, NASCAR is as much about the car as MTV is about music. NASCAR fans watch to see a mind game in it's simplest form. It's almost as if NASCAR is a redneck version of checkers. I use checkers due to the fact that checkers is the only board game played by rednecks that isn't produced by Hasbro and targeted towards 12 year olds. NASCAR fans cannot identify with the intellectually heavy mind games of a well crafted mystery novel or the genius of a well played hand of poker. Instead, they identify with the simple mind functions behind racing cars in big circles. I would say to each their own, but do the rest of us "normal" people really need to be exposed to your "sport"?

My advice to all is to simply ignore it and avoid the irreversable mental damage 4 hours of running circles can do to a developed mind. The day NASCAR evolves from carbon copied cars running in circles into a team sport that actually utilizes mechanical and driving skill is the day I will start paying real attention. Until then, I'd rather watch checkers.

NBA officitating and the "All-Star Treatment"

NBA playoffs have been in full swing since last week and teams are starting to punch their tickets into the second round. One thing I've noticed in the first round, and its something that seems to flare up around this time every year, are the the preferential calls given to the NBA's premiere players - the so called "All-Star Treatment." Two series where this seems to be most prominent are the Cleveland/Detroit and Portland/Houston series. I decided to take a look at the box scores from the eight combined games in these two series and noticed some interesting trends.

Yao Ming, Houston's All-Star center, combined for 8 personal fouls in the first two games in Portland but committed only 4 fouls in the last two at Houston, including only one foul in 44 minutes of play on Sunday. Meanwhile, Portland's centers, Joel Pryzbilla and Greg Oden, have combined for 18 fouls in the two home games and another 18 on the two road games. Why have Yao Ming's fouls been cut in half at home, while Oden and Pryzbilla have been called for the same amount? I've watched Yao get away with numerous fouls while Portland gets called for breathing on him. In the last two games I've seen Brandon Roy drive to paint three or four times and see Yao leave his feet, a cardinal sin for a big man, and knock Roy down with no foul being called. As a team, Houston committed 49 team fouls in the first two games, the same amount as Portland. However, in the last two games, Houston has committed 34 fouls compared to Portland's 52. Quite the discrepancy.

An even more startling trend is in the Cleveland/Detroit series. Lebron James, the clear candidate for this year's MVP award, took 59 free throws in their first round sweep of the Pistons. That is one more attempt than the entire Piston's team took all series. You read that right. In three of the four games in the series, James had more free throw attempts than Detroit. Another thing that stuck out to me was James committed only 5 personal fouls the entire series, three of which came in the deciding game 4.

My biggest complaint with the NBA has always been the inconsistent refereeing and the treatment the NBA's elite players receive. And with Los Angeles and Cleveland on a crash course to meet in the Finals, the inevitable free throw battle between Kobe and LeBron should be a classic.

There are some things money can't buy...

Going into last weekend's three game series between Boston and New York, both teams were tied for 2nd in the AL East at 9-6 behind Toronto. After being swept, the Yankees now sit 4 games behind Toronto and a full game behind Boston for the number 2 spot in the East. If this disappointing trend keeps up, the Yanks will miss the playoffs for the second straight year, and of course - I love it.

How poorly managed is an organization that can't win with such a ridiculously high payroll? The Yankees have a total team salary of $201,449,189! To put this number in perspective, the Yankees payroll is $80 million more than the Red Sox that just swept them, and 2.5 times as much as the division leading Blue Jays. The Yanks have 6 players making more than the highest paid player for the Blue Jays! And yet... they still sit in third and in line to miss the playoffs yet again.

Hank Steinbrenner wanted so badly to win the World Series this year that he went out and spent $423.5 million to acquire CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, and Mark Teixeira. And what have those guys done so far this season? Teixeira is hitting a measly .218 with only 10 RBI, and Burnett and Sabathia have a combined ERA of 5.15 and headline a rotation that is ranked no better than 10th in the AL in all major categories. Contrary to what the Yankees organization seems to believe, money can't actually buy you more wins...

Finally, what is perhaps the icing on the cake - the Yankees brand new $1.5 billion stadium that is averaging an attendance of only 85% of capacity, which is approximately 8000 fans less than last year. Adding all of these numbers up shows that the Yankees organization spent about $2 billion for three new players and a new stadium only to end up with less fans and a win total that lands them exactly where they finished last year - out of the playoffs.

Apparently there are some things money just can't buy.

Top 10 ugliest players in the NBA

Watching Luis Scola flop his way to a Rockets victory on Friday against the Blazers made me think about how ugly some of the European NBA players are. Most of the ugliest guys in the league are transplants from one European country or another. However, there are also some American players out there that look like they belong in prison on murder charges. Either way the NBA has A LOT of ugly dudes and someone has to rank them. So here it is - my top ten list of the ugliest players in the NBA.

1. Delonte West
Picture the leprechaun from the lucky charms commercials, only he's all methed out and semi-retarded. Now you should be picturing something along the lines of this:

2. Charlie Villanueva
Okay, where the hell are Charlie Villanueva's eyebrows? Does he shave them off? And if so, why? Cause it's definitely not helping his looks.

3. Andrei Kirilenko
Andrei Kirilenko's chin is so big it should have its own area code. And unlike Jay Leno's chin, Kirilenko's looks like it could poke someone's eye out. AK47 also reminds me of Rocky IV foe, Ivan Drago and wouldn't be surprised if he drops a "If he dies, he dies" quote in a postgame interview.

4. The Gasol Brothers
This one gets such a high ranking because its a two for one. Pau is probably the uglier of the two, but Marc is definitely not far behind. Fortunately for the two, if basketball does not work out they have a future career working as the Geico cavemen.

5. Robert Swift
I've never seen this guy play in an NBA game, but from the looks of this picture that's probably a good thing.

6. Mehmet Okur
Mehmet Okur is by far the creepiest looking dude in the NBA. He looks like an Eastern European version of Chandler from Friends. Seriously, what's with the gelled hair and single highlight?

7. Chris "Birdman" Anderson
Whether he's rocking the faux-hawk or long blond hair, he is so tattooed its hard to tell whether he belongs on the court or in one.

8. Luis Scola
Since when do they let women play in the NBA? At least get a real headband and stop the damn flopping already. I wonder if him and Laker's guard Sasha Vujacic share fashion tips with each other?

9. Joakim Noah
Maybe it's the gap-tooth, the long ratty hair, or just the fact that he went to Florida, but this guy is definitely one of the ugliest players in the league.

10. Robin Lopez AKA "Sideshow Bob"
If you haven't realized it yet, Robin Lopez is the physical incarnation of Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons. That fact alone is enough to land him on the list.

Honorable Mention - Sam Cassell AKA "ET"

Honorable Mention - Ronaldo Balkman

Honorable Mention - Zaza Pachulia

Honorable Mention - Brandon Roy's "playoff beard"

New faces leading Mariners to hot start

After a disappointing 100-loss campaign last season, the Seattle Mariners decided to make some off-season moves to retool the roster. JJ Putz, Raul Ibanez, and Willie Bloomquist are all out while Endy Chavez, Franklin Gutierrez, Russell Branyan, and Mike Sweeney are in. Last season, the M's offense ranked 26th in total runs, but this season they currently rank 18th, largely due to some timely hitting by the new faces.

The biggest reason for the Mariner's unexpected success is the effectiveness of the pitching staff. The Mariner's team ERA is 2.95, the best mark in all of baseball. Felix Hernandez is slowly starting to live up to the expectations that have surrounded him since he broke into the big leagues. Eric Bedard is in the form he was in 2007, when he was one of the premiere pitchers in the AL. However, the biggest surprise on the pitching staff is Jarrod Washburn. Washburn, who struggled last year, is off to a blazing 3-0 start with a 1.71 ERA. Brandon Morrow has stepped into the closer role well, going 5/5 on his save opportunites so far.

Four Oregonians drafted on Day One

As day one of the draft began his morning, a handful of Ducks and Beavers were hoping to hear their names called by NFL commissioner Rodger Goodell. The first round went by with none of the players being selected. It didn't take long though for the names to start flying off in the second round. In all, four players between Oregon and Oregon State were selected in the first round.

UO's Patrick Chung was the highest drafted Oregonian, who was selected with the second pick of the second round by the New England Patriots. Chung, who was the Patriots first pick of the draft, is in a prime position to step into the New England and assume the role as one of the starting safeties.

It didn't take much longer for Oregon CB Jairus Byrd to hear his name called. Taken with the 42nd pick overall by the Buffalo Bills, Byrd was a first-team All-Pac 10 player last year and led the conference in interceptions his sophomore and junior seasons before bolting for the NFL.

A third Oregon player, Max Unger, was also taken in the second round with the 49th pick overall by the Seattle Seahawks. The center was expected to be the highest selected Oregonian according to most mock drafts. Unger will most likely move over to guard with Chris Spencer already on the Seahawks roster.

Oregon State joined the party just two picks later when the Buffalo Bills drafted offensive guard Andy Levitre with the 51st overall pick. Levitre is noted for having started 35 consecutive games with the Beavers. Look for Levitre to one day be blocking for fellow Pac Ten alums Marshawn Lynch and Trent Edwards.

NFL Draft Thoughts

The 1st round of the NFL Draft is in the books and the biggest story so far is the Raiders selection of Darrius Heyward-Bey with the 7th overall pick. This pick makes no sense when both Michael Crabtree and Jeremy Maclin are both available. However, it shouldn't be much of a surprise pick by Al Davis considering the hard-on he has for speed. Five other wide receivers have been picked in the first round, including Crabtree who fell to the 49ers with the 10th pick.

Seattle picking up Aaron Curry with the 4th pick was a nice grab, as he will contribute much more next year than QB Mark Sanchez will. The Seahawks should be able to get a few more good years out of Hasselbeck and can address the need for a QB in next year's draft, which will be fairly deep at the position.

The Lions have started off their draft strong as well. Stafford was the right choice to take with the top pick. He gives the franchise a face, which it sorely needs after its 0-16 campaign last season. Michael Oher could have addressed a need for the Lions at the 20th pick, but with this Tackle-heavy draft they can address the need in the later rounds. Brandon Pettigrew gives Stafford another weapon on offense as well as a superb blocking TE.

-Mike

Todd McShay's Unhealthy Glow

As draft day approaches, Mel Kiper Jr and Todd McShay have been dominating the ESPN airwaves. There coverage of the draft has recieved more airtime than the first round games of the NBA playoffs as well as the start of the MLB season. While they provide analysis of who they think are busts, sleepers, and everything in between I've only noticed one thing: Todd McShay's increasingly orange glow. Over the last few weeks, McShay's skin color has gone from a bad fake tan to an oompa-loompa-like orange. My theory is that as draft day approaches Todd McSpraytan's skin color increases with excitement.

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Check back soon as we start to post our thoughts and rants from this weekend's NFL Draft and NBA playoff games!